How getting a Pedicure is like going to the Dentist.

I know what you’re thinking. Are you completely mad? Pedicures are lovely. Well, not when you have toe issues like me.

I have two ugly pinky toes that I stubbed when I was 5 years old--see photo above. I heard about this salon where the women do it right, it will hurt, it will be cheap and last longer. I figured they'd get rid of that dark gray look on my toenail that looks like a baby tick. I hoped it was better than surgically removing the toenail. And afterward they could just glob on some orange or red paint.

• I haven’t been to the Dentist in 5 years.
• I haven’t had a Pedicure in 5 years.

• On speaking different languages: When I did go to the dentist I repeated myself several times (often while the dental dam was in my mouth) before he understood that I said, “No do not give me another shot, kill me with Nitrous, first.” Or, “No, don’t fill that cavity with silver, its ugly.” “No, I will not take large doses of Vitamin C to calm me down while you drill the root canal.”

• On speaking different languages: Trying to explain that my nails were too short for a French manicure was the same. Especially since I was there for some cheap toe surgery. “Frens…five dolla’ mo’.” “No, pedicure.” I said. “Frens Pedicure, thirty pus five dolla xtra.” “No, color is fine, no French anything! Really!” I said.

• The dentist shoved laughing gas in my face.
• The Salon lady shoved my feet in a vat of bubbling cold water while putting my hands in a small bowl of water (I guess I’m getting a manicure too). She, like he used nodding as code for this foot and that hand. He did code as well to get my mouth to open really wide while he sprayed, grinded and made jokes with his assistant -- the Bee Gee’s played in the background.

• He drilled holes in my mouth.
• She turned on this electric massage chair that was like riding a Bucking Bronco from behind.

• After an hour or two of torture, he polished the good teeth left over with whitening fluid.
• After 40 minutes of torture, she polished my pearly white toes with dark orange paint. Both solvents stink.

• He was proud and didn’t care that I would be reckless on the road after. Dental patients shouldn’t drive after torture. Doesn’t he know that?
• She was very proud. My little pinky toes were grinded to yellow vs. the gross things they were before.

• I paid for extra services I didn’t expect. The dental cleaning for instance. Not that I didn’t need it.
• I had dark orange fingernails by the end of the Pedicure adventure and they are hideous. I can barely type right now because the red is so distracting. It’s like the Fourth of July, little fireworks at the end of my fingernails.

I do like my new toes though. See, they look kind of like this...

Comments

[Dentists Stockton]

Wow, that was some comparison you made between a pedicure session and your dental visit. I guess that you just have to be brave no matter if we kind of don't like the process. In the end it will turn out well.

[simone]

For me, going to the dentist ranks right up there with going for my annual pelvic exam. At least the dentist will give you nitrous. Why don't they do that for pelvic exams? I mean, really, why the heck not? It sure would get me into those stirrups a lot more often!